Is MTV run by retarded people.

I understand that the people who read this might not watch MTV, which is why I bring you my amazingly brilliant perspective on why this lazy station is decaying into oblivion.

For quite sometime there has been a visible decline in music video content on the once exclusive music video station. This may be attributed to the diversity of entertainment content and globalization through the advent of the Internet. People have been increasingly introduced to an endless library of information and entertainment through the growth of the Internet; so maybe MTV has attempted to be able to compete in this market with a massive integration of flashy new shows. However, I believe this is allotting way too much credit to the crumbling colossal media conglomerate.

MTV has moved their demographic to the young children of our society who will become the largest spending generation in ages. This will conversely translate into MTV being able to charge immense advertising real estate prices. This young demographic has the attention span of a gnat and must be advertised and entertained accordingly. Thus programs as well as advertisements have become increasingly mindless in their quest to pump out fast paced high energy programs that stimulate and grab the immediate attention of the young audience.

Now you are probably asking me in your head (which is stupid because I can't read your thoughts) "what the hell man, I've heard this a million times, why are you writing about it for the millionth time." and I will answer you. "Bromance"

Bromance is the new show produced by MTV starring Brody Jenner. Brody is the son of That Jenner Olympian who has aged quite amazingly by apparently selling his gold medal and investing in as many face lifts as laps he ran earning them. This show will be a contest to see who will be Brody's new best friend.

I don't know how they do it in LA but where I come from (and I'm guessing pretty much everywhere else in the world) holding a contest to see who is going to be your best friend might be considered a little, I don't know, sad? I would expect this from a chick say, hmmm, Paris Hilton...Oh wait she already had this exact show.

I have three beefs with this show. A) the dudes competeing. B) Brody and C) The producer.

First the dudes competing. Really guys, you looking for that lasting connection with a dude that you just haven't found yet? You think Brody, this dude that you have never met in your life, is going to spark that special guy friend bond? you going to have some interesting conversations that delve into each others psyche allowing for a deep meaningful relationship? Or maybe he is going to show you a life that you envy because you're broke ass poor and you think hey this is going to be one sweetass ticket. Maybe the latter? Just maybe?

Secondly Brody. Yah I get it, Bromance, its a play on words with your name. Cute. You know whats not cute? Bro-rape. Ever think to google that? Little tip here Brody, having a show about yourself that is named Bromance is like naming your son Fay, Smooches, or Clay Aiken.

Last but not least is the fact that someone had to fucking hear Brody fucking pitch this pile of shit, then look at Brody's blank cavernous echo-filled head and actually put together the sentence "Yah, that sounds like a great idea, let's do it." Whoever is this persons boss should have had that producer shot, drawn and quartered, water-boarded, or have made him watch all episodes of "The Simple Life" starring another pair of humans more worthless than an "America's Funniest Home Video" with no nut shot. Brody has had TWO failed television shows. WHY on God's earth is this retard getting his own show? Whoever greenlit this television series is so retarded "Life Goes On" star Corky would call him a retard.

Do you remember "Jurassic Park"? The part when the doctor reaches her hand into the pile of Triceratops poop to figure out whats ailing the dino? This show is going to be a herd of Triceratops shit.

Finish Line

With the end of the semester close at hand it is time to prepare for the upcoming break.

Getting a job and visiting friends, should be a good one.

Too Sick For School

So I went to my first class this morning. Ugh.

I passed by the dude that I have proclaimed has the coolest garage in SF. Honestly this guy is the mother effin Knight Rider of SF. He is a middle aged white man who probably just turned 40. Inside his illustrious man cave sits a brand new mustang GT, black with gold racing stripes (of course). If that doesn't rev your Magnum PI mustache bone then how about the fact that he has a flat screen TV and full set of craftsmen tools that he actually uses to work on his car with!! yes I have seen it. To top it all off he has, I hope your sitting down for this, a ... I can't believe I am writing this for the first time. I mean how has this enigma of a man never been written about before???? Anyway I'm sorry for deviating. He has, again grab hold of your no-shit-o-meter and watch for it to blow through the roof, HE HAS A LAZY BOY RECLINER AND A URINAL DOWN THERE! I tear up every time I think about it. I wondered to myself if he was married. If so the marriage must be either rampantly dreadful or one that imbues the epitome of communication, love, and harmony. Either way this champion of manhood has a Urinal and Lazy Boy in his garage he could be married to Lorana Bobit and be perfectly content in life!

After my first class I felt wasted I went home. I couldn't get through my next class without fainting from exhaustion. I mean I felt worse than Dave Coulier after the cancellation of Full House. So I went home ate and rested up for my next class.

I walked up the mountain back up to class, regretfully did not see the Knight Rider, and panting and full of sweat I got to my last class of the day. Mind you this class is taught by the same teacher as the my second class which I did not attend. I get there and my teacher is standing outside with two of my classmates. He takes one look at me and without saying what I think is going to say which is "Hey you made it to this class that means a lot. I respect you for making the effort." The dude just looks at me and says "Go home you look way too sick to be here."

It was the greatest thing I have ever heard a teacher say to me.

Sick, Sick, Sick

Here comes the sickness!

I love that sore throat lethargic feeling almost as much as I love the fact that it comes the week before finals.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had drank a bottle of rum.

Christmas break couldn't come soon enough.