Is MTV run by retarded people.

I understand that the people who read this might not watch MTV, which is why I bring you my amazingly brilliant perspective on why this lazy station is decaying into oblivion.

For quite sometime there has been a visible decline in music video content on the once exclusive music video station. This may be attributed to the diversity of entertainment content and globalization through the advent of the Internet. People have been increasingly introduced to an endless library of information and entertainment through the growth of the Internet; so maybe MTV has attempted to be able to compete in this market with a massive integration of flashy new shows. However, I believe this is allotting way too much credit to the crumbling colossal media conglomerate.

MTV has moved their demographic to the young children of our society who will become the largest spending generation in ages. This will conversely translate into MTV being able to charge immense advertising real estate prices. This young demographic has the attention span of a gnat and must be advertised and entertained accordingly. Thus programs as well as advertisements have become increasingly mindless in their quest to pump out fast paced high energy programs that stimulate and grab the immediate attention of the young audience.

Now you are probably asking me in your head (which is stupid because I can't read your thoughts) "what the hell man, I've heard this a million times, why are you writing about it for the millionth time." and I will answer you. "Bromance"

Bromance is the new show produced by MTV starring Brody Jenner. Brody is the son of That Jenner Olympian who has aged quite amazingly by apparently selling his gold medal and investing in as many face lifts as laps he ran earning them. This show will be a contest to see who will be Brody's new best friend.

I don't know how they do it in LA but where I come from (and I'm guessing pretty much everywhere else in the world) holding a contest to see who is going to be your best friend might be considered a little, I don't know, sad? I would expect this from a chick say, hmmm, Paris Hilton...Oh wait she already had this exact show.

I have three beefs with this show. A) the dudes competeing. B) Brody and C) The producer.

First the dudes competing. Really guys, you looking for that lasting connection with a dude that you just haven't found yet? You think Brody, this dude that you have never met in your life, is going to spark that special guy friend bond? you going to have some interesting conversations that delve into each others psyche allowing for a deep meaningful relationship? Or maybe he is going to show you a life that you envy because you're broke ass poor and you think hey this is going to be one sweetass ticket. Maybe the latter? Just maybe?

Secondly Brody. Yah I get it, Bromance, its a play on words with your name. Cute. You know whats not cute? Bro-rape. Ever think to google that? Little tip here Brody, having a show about yourself that is named Bromance is like naming your son Fay, Smooches, or Clay Aiken.

Last but not least is the fact that someone had to fucking hear Brody fucking pitch this pile of shit, then look at Brody's blank cavernous echo-filled head and actually put together the sentence "Yah, that sounds like a great idea, let's do it." Whoever is this persons boss should have had that producer shot, drawn and quartered, water-boarded, or have made him watch all episodes of "The Simple Life" starring another pair of humans more worthless than an "America's Funniest Home Video" with no nut shot. Brody has had TWO failed television shows. WHY on God's earth is this retard getting his own show? Whoever greenlit this television series is so retarded "Life Goes On" star Corky would call him a retard.

Do you remember "Jurassic Park"? The part when the doctor reaches her hand into the pile of Triceratops poop to figure out whats ailing the dino? This show is going to be a herd of Triceratops shit.

Finish Line

With the end of the semester close at hand it is time to prepare for the upcoming break.

Getting a job and visiting friends, should be a good one.

Too Sick For School

So I went to my first class this morning. Ugh.

I passed by the dude that I have proclaimed has the coolest garage in SF. Honestly this guy is the mother effin Knight Rider of SF. He is a middle aged white man who probably just turned 40. Inside his illustrious man cave sits a brand new mustang GT, black with gold racing stripes (of course). If that doesn't rev your Magnum PI mustache bone then how about the fact that he has a flat screen TV and full set of craftsmen tools that he actually uses to work on his car with!! yes I have seen it. To top it all off he has, I hope your sitting down for this, a ... I can't believe I am writing this for the first time. I mean how has this enigma of a man never been written about before???? Anyway I'm sorry for deviating. He has, again grab hold of your no-shit-o-meter and watch for it to blow through the roof, HE HAS A LAZY BOY RECLINER AND A URINAL DOWN THERE! I tear up every time I think about it. I wondered to myself if he was married. If so the marriage must be either rampantly dreadful or one that imbues the epitome of communication, love, and harmony. Either way this champion of manhood has a Urinal and Lazy Boy in his garage he could be married to Lorana Bobit and be perfectly content in life!

After my first class I felt wasted I went home. I couldn't get through my next class without fainting from exhaustion. I mean I felt worse than Dave Coulier after the cancellation of Full House. So I went home ate and rested up for my next class.

I walked up the mountain back up to class, regretfully did not see the Knight Rider, and panting and full of sweat I got to my last class of the day. Mind you this class is taught by the same teacher as the my second class which I did not attend. I get there and my teacher is standing outside with two of my classmates. He takes one look at me and without saying what I think is going to say which is "Hey you made it to this class that means a lot. I respect you for making the effort." The dude just looks at me and says "Go home you look way too sick to be here."

It was the greatest thing I have ever heard a teacher say to me.

Sick, Sick, Sick

Here comes the sickness!

I love that sore throat lethargic feeling almost as much as I love the fact that it comes the week before finals.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had drank a bottle of rum.

Christmas break couldn't come soon enough.

"The" 911 Challenge

This American Life

I was introduced to the program by a friend while I was visiting LA. We were coming home after drinks with a friend and we sat on his couch flipping the channels. Nothing was on so he decided to show me a particular episode that he had been talking about at dinner. I had some drink and smoke in me and I was feeling like I was going to melt into the couch for a good nights sleep before having to drive back up north. It wasn't until after I heard the premise of the show explained in the beginning that I new that I was going to be too interested to sleep.
The show started off as a radio program in Chicago on NPR. It climbed in popularity and was adapted into a television show televised on Showtime (if you don't have cable it's OK keep reading there will be a solution).
The show we watched was about the name John Smith. It is the most common male name in America and the program focused on I believe 7 different men with the name, all at different points in their lives. It was brilliant. From the concept of the entire program to the way all the stories were told and interwoven to create such a feel good story. I was hooked. The next day I arrived back in the Bay and started searching for ways to get my hands on the program. No one I knew subscribes to Showtime so I was forced to find an alternate route (to those of you who don't have showtime either this is where it gets good).
I went onto iTunes -yes it is the greatest thing in the world I KNOW-and found that you can buy both seasons of the tv show as well as subscribe to the podcast! It is stupendous.
Each episode has masterful storytelling and always has a good message. There is never a moment of easy thrills or cheap attention gimmicks.

It is the new Chicken Soup for the Soul and I recommend you figure a way to get yoru hands on this because it is a great experience.

Ginger Kids

Mate with one or else we will all die out.

I mean look how adorable

The Blacksmith

The old man blacksmith mediocre in town, once was employed to make swords for the crown. When his work began to dwindle the people did object. The old man blacksmith stood firm that it wasn’t neglect. His bellows blew sturdy and his fires red-hot. Twas the loneliness in his bedroom that made the old man fraught. Ladies paraded all day and all night, nary a one fair maiden managed to satiate his sight. One moist morning a lady came calling. Her scent of bees, trees, and soiled seeds told the old man blacksmith from where she came falling. From scent to sight the old mans heart leapt, she fell from heaven right to his doorstep. Everything was perfect from wedding to boudoir. It was, that is, until she made him scar. She stole his tools and sold them 20 shillings a pop. She then used the shillings at ye olde ring shop. She was to marry his brother the mean streak bad cop. His horse was tougher and so was his posse. The damage he caused was erratic and costly. When his bitch ex-wife returned to say sorry the old man blacksmith to cry not, tried hardly. Instead he looked at her and grunted she scurried off in dismay.
This young darlings is the story of the Old Blacksmith turned gay.

Internet Videos

I feel that you need to start watching some more videos.

www.funnyordie.com

I mean if this guy can do it, what says I can't lift a midget.

New Photos. Check 151's website soon for the whole shebang

THE WRITERS ARE BACK!
It's time to put your ass back into that permanent mold in your couch.
Hands have been shook and the monies been took. That's right the money is coming back into the hands of Tv's rightful owners, the writers.
Thank God I can spend my Thursday nights with Michael, Dwight, Jim, and PAM!!!

Old in the Cold: The NFC championship game

If you are watching this game then you know what I am talking about.  It is currently 15 below in Green Bay and judging by the reporters its hard to keep your composure at such an extreme temp.  

Terry Bradshaw just got finished giving a deeply compelling speech complete with flailing arms and failing health.  Now I'm no broadcaster but the silence that went hand in hand with Bradshaw's  sloppy sports spiel was probably due to the microphone laying limp on the table in front of him.  

Bradshaw wasn't the only one flopping his big flabby badge of inadequateness over the digital airwaves.  Everyone of the reporters that sat behind that unheated Fox desk was slurring and skipping over words.  

Now I think that the only reason Fox would put their announcers outside in the elements is to portray the immensely frigid coldness that these players are enduring.  But for the love of veteran feeble football players everywhere put these old men indoors.

Now all these men were messing up except for one.  One of the men portrayed exceptional composure amongst his colleagues who, if asked, could not spell composure.  That man is (insert that dudes name here) and is black.  Which brings me to Doctor Martin Luther King Jr.  

Happy MLK day!