Bay View Askew

New Site

2010-06-09T22:06:00.001-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that this site shall meet it's end. It has been an interesting ride and has been the inspiration for millions of Gingers around the world. This blog has shown reds that we can write and have a voice.

I will continue my journey to bring you amazing thoughts and links but not here my friends. Swipe your fingers quickly to the beat of www.jaredfrazer.com and find my new resting place.

Red Power,
Jared

2009-10-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

I've been kind of busy round here and not had a lot of time to devote to my beloved blog. With a full load of classes an overtime internship and a long distance relationship, I've been spread a bit thin. If you are a friend of mine and have not heard from me in a while I'm quite sorry but I really would love to hang out soon.

I've got an interview to conduct and an midterm to write this weekend, oh and I have to film a sunset which will take up about 2 hours and a birthday party in which I have to make an appearance at. But after that give me a call and we can talk :)

I hope to see you soon ya'll soon and I think that a pool party is in order soon.

PS check out some of my work at http://cwbayarea.com/entertainment/music

sounds good to me

2009-09-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

Bronson's

2009-09-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

The main character is Bronson. Bronson was born in a small town. When he was a boy he often retreated into his own imagination. Growing up he was drawn to acting and performance arts. His passion to act and to deeply express himself through performance grew into a fulltime obsession. By the time he was 20 he was regularly starring in performances in his hometown at night and working as a commercial plumber by day.
He was always drawn to the stage. Any means possible was his mantra through the roughest of times. His father was a sporting man and would always bet against him in his success of his performances. His father took too the bottle soon after Bronson took to the stage. A man who was the 1st white male to be the 1st round draft pick in the Mexican futbol league, and the author of the best-selling book “I’ve been to hell, and her name was China” a biography of his life experiences during the trip he took with team Mexico in the Winter Olympics; his experience turned sour soon after team Mexico’s main downfall, their arrogance, put them in the situation that made them realize they showed up to the Olympics thinking there was a mistake in them not being invited, and a man which the word disappointment couldn’t begin to explain his disgust of his sons choice in profession. Needless to say when Bronson realized that his father was driving a brand new Mercedes off the money he had won off of Bronson’s last mishap in the 2nd act of “Antigone” playing King Creon where he forgot a trivial line, he was crushed.
Bronson’s mother a self-medicating alcoholic and self-proclaimed tourettes syndrome sufferer with the potent disease of mouth flatulence love’s Bronson more than anyone in his world. She mentioned in her last attempted suicide note, which are written daily just “for kicks”, that Bronson was the only one keeping her going. He loves her dearly yet is constantly alerted of her disease both by her flammable breath and her uninhibited shouts of “FAILURE”.
Through it all his oddly supportive family is his even keeled partner in life, his best friend, confident and life coach . Jackleene is a former track star who only quite recently has been secretly harboring deep rooted feelings for Bronson. Bronson has told Jackleene everything in his mind for the past 19 years including his first secret “gaaallggaa” and his most recent “I put it in her drainpipe”; the plumbing accident included a mutual teacher Jackleene and Bronson once had and despised. He had taken military grade artificial cement and clogged Ms. Kakeass’s drainpipe willing a disastrous and smelly backup. Even though Bronson would have to eventually clean it up, this small victory over the monster that was Ms. Kakeass and the tortures he had to endure in her 1st grade class was well worth it! Jackleene and Bronson made a dynamic duo. Her silly faces and positive outlook on life kept him in rapture, and his steady hand while working with pipes kept her in a state of fascination.

FB BS awesomeness!

2009-09-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

Three startegies for self deception are: selective-omission, exaggeration and embellishment, and blaming circumstances. Selective omission can be seen when people on Facebook are tagged in photos. If someone deems a photograph to be unbecoming of their public image they can selectively omit themselves from the photo by de-tagging himself. Exaggeration and embellishment can be seen in Facebook when someone makes himself or herself seem a lot more important. For instance a person may talk about a particular event through photo comments as having much more grandiose details than were actually present. Blaming circumstances is a case in which someone may blame an unassociated circumstance as an explanation of a particular behavior. In the case of someone on Facebook, there might be a posted photograph where a person is partaking in an unsavory social situation or ritual. If the person cannot take the photo off of the Internet they might write a comment blaming something as a possible excuse of their behavior in hopes that someone viewing the image will accept their behavior as merely an outlier in their otherwise pristine veneer.

Day 1...Too soon?

2009-08-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

How can one be
How can one be so drawn to that one?
Is it looks, why not looks, I love looks.
But its her ways, her stare and gaze.
I love those days when we begged to stay; 50 miles away?
Too far? Touché.

I got a plane ticket air bound to her to kick it.
You can have my ticket, I'd rather get communication teach me teleportation.
Just a few more days I get her stare her gaze and show her my love of her ways.

Chicken Wing

2009-06-11T18:59:00.001-07:00

My theory is that this came from a baby angel, cupid perhaps, that committed a mortal sin; because angels lose their wings after they commit a mortal sin right?
To go deeper, this was laying pretty much directly outside my bathroom window (only thing is my window is two stories up, but hey this little fucker could fly so NO its not that unlikely). Cupid must have been on his lunch break, probably got a burrito at Papalote, then was on his way back downtown when he saw me showering. He thought to himself, "hey this dude is pretty bangin', let me pause out for a tid and try and get a sneaky peak. Now I'm not very religious but that should not have been a mortal sin...unless he wanted to kill me...but I digress.

Basically what I'm trying to get at is that I inadvertently killled cupid, I'm just happy that I was struck pretty hard before I did.

I give up

2009-06-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

I think that I have lost my touch. I was walking home from school the other day and saw this in a bus stop advertisement window. The ad is for H&M, a clothing company offering "high style" clothing at affordable prices. They do not however include the inflated price you will have to pay out of your dignity fund, which will be depleted after your purchase.

Please oh Please

2009-05-28T17:46:00.001-07:00

In my most shameless attempt at trying to get a job, I have started a petition to try and get my foot in the door at The Onion.

The Onion is a hilarious media organization. They started in the print world and have since then created hilarious news stories in both visual and audio media realms. I have wanted to write for them ever since I started writing comedy at the IOwest theater.
Being that comedy writing is a very competitive field I felt that I needed some way to set myself apart from everyone else. So I created a petition. I have been sending the petition out to family and friends. I even reached out to a couple online community forums that I belong to for their support. So far I have gotten up to 54 signatures inside of 5 days.
I am hoping that with time comes a larger number of supporters and gains the attention of The Onion. I have sent a follow up letter to my initial contact at the publication and am awaiting [any] response with nervous shaking knuckles.

I am both nervous yet confident at my chances and will keep all of you in the know about any progress.

Amazing Acoustic

2009-05-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

Amazing

I was lucky enough to have a father music savvy enough to introduce me to Leo Kottke at a very early age. Leo has overcome some intense obstacles in his career and continues to be my favorite guitarist. I mean the guy is partially deaf and had massive tendon damage in one of his hands. If that isn't certifiably badass in your book then, shame on you.

Atmosphere Concert, The Warfield April 20th 2009

2009-04-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

It was a classic and one for the ages.
10:30pm when Slug and Ant took the stage The Warfield in San Francisco erupted with a cacophonous ruckus that shook the hearts and eustachians of every one in the building.

The 420 aroma perfumed the atmosphere inside the venue and with his live performers following along side him, Slug ripped the face off the microphone and began a journey that brought the crowd down a path of the bands greatest hits.

If you were in attendance you know how epic this concert was. If you weren't I implore you to somehow find a bootleg copy of the performance. Maybe then you can see how brilliant the night was.

It was also a nice touch when Slug brought Aesop Rock to the stage for a freestyle duo that deafened Zeus himself.

Thanks Atmosphere. Happy Birthday Momma.

Old Woman

2009-04-15T18:57:00.001-07:00

Today I was grabbing a bite to eat in Noe Valley. As I exited the less than classy Chinese restaurant I came upon the nicest beggar woman I have ever met. I say beggar because who knows whether or not she was homeless, not too many homeless people I have come across listen to ipods. But as I walked by her I was cordial and bestowed a kind smile upon her. She smiled back and then hit me with "spare some change honey?"
I thought this to be ever so interesting. I almost said "no but spare some music tips as to whats good?"
All that came out of my mouth however was "I'm sorry I don't, but have a wonderful day!"
to which she retorted "You too baby".

Apparently my prime demographic are black women aged 45-52 who sit on the sidewalk listening to their ipods and begging for change. In hindsight I should have dropped her .99 cents and told her a good song to download.

I begged for change once, then I voted.

Jackpot

2009-03-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

Hell with Waldo where are redhead ladies that look like this?

First Cut

2009-03-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

Here is the first cut of the second sketch shot for "FOOLE" aka the show I'm putting together for USFtv aka the TV station for my school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF8PJ6-vFjA

2009-03-16T23:44:00.000-07:00

Getting her painted brazed and fixed up. ooooo weeee.

2009-03-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

Have you flown in a vintage WWII bomber lately?

I highly recommend it. Word of advice, bring a camera and someone who doesn't mind you babbling about the amazingness of your experience like an 8 year old.

2009-03-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

I'm ready for a trip up the coast. I live in such proximity of some of the most artfully crafted landscapes in the entire world, I owe it to myself to get my booty up there and check it all out!

"Entire world? Really?"

Yeah you Slugworth!! The US Northwest is where its at, and by "it" I mean the greatest attributes a place of residence could offer.

The peninsula to pikes peak is covered in splendor, the kind of splendor that ensnare tourists, inspire artists and reel in the realestate bucks.

Food Poisoning

2009-03-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

It's honestly the most interesting thing I have ever encountered. In the span of what felt like two days I have become a new person. In a sense I shed off my old self and became what will forever be the best me I can be.

Wikipedia explains that the duodenum as an organ that "regulates the rate of emptying of the stomach via hormonal pathways." Believe you me, mine is in perfect working order. Mission accomplished duodenum!!

2009-03-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

Apparently this guy thinks Isaac Asimov had a lost Fourth principle of robotics...All service bots must be Mexican.

Bon Iver

2009-03-06T09:34:00.000-08:00

Bon Iver's "Blood Bank" EP is pretty darn fantastic. Bits of Feist and Imogen Heap creep in but overall he maintains his own personal nuance of sound that sets him in a world of his own that he creates beautifully for you the listener.

LIGHTNING

2009-03-04T23:27:00.000-08:00

It's 11:33pm and I'm sitting in my living room. I just rearranged my furniture so its even more comfortable than ever before. I love it. I have a cup of tea in one hand and my computer in my lap. I'm talking to great people on Gchat and watching life enriching videos online (how they created the digital process for "Benjamin Button" and College humor pranks, stuff Nietzsche would be doing). I start admiring cool apartments on apartmenttherapy.com (interior design, Jared's inner most favorite past time #373) and it hits. It hits like the not guilty verdict in the OJ trial.

LIGHTNING!!!

Oh man! I have been waiting for lightning since, well honestly since last year. But this is better. I don't know why, but its the sort of thing that just makes you think about sitting inside an old rickety log cabin by the ocean in a wet storm. Huddled near the pot belly stove, you listen to the symphony produced by the wind howling through the cracks in the wood facade in perfect harmony with the waves crashing as you wait for the kettle. The rain drops on the thatch roof switch personalities effortlessly between that of a Golden Retriever and a Pitbull. But throughout the downpour all your thinking of is that this rain must be bringing some amazing snow for the skiing later on.

OOOoooWEEeee

FML

2009-02-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Today I contacted the website www.fmylife.com to try and create a creative partnership where I would create short vignettes that correlated with the stories featured on their website. They turned me down and said that they were already...well you can read it.

Dear Jared,

You can have private fun with FML story. But remember they is a copyright on it and that we are already working with TV producers by legal contract.

Thank you neverless for this proposition and keep enjoy the site.

Regards,

Didier Guedj
FML staff

Now I'm not a grammartician but something is leading me to believe english, not his strong suit.

The Chinese win again

2009-02-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

So here it is. The 6LB rat with the foot long tail that was created in China. Not only are they beating the US in terms of man power and smog production but now they are creating rats that dwarf ours? And whats more is that they are mocking us with this fact! Look at that smile!

Have you ever been so mad...

2009-02-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

that you just wanted to beat up a sandcastle?

Shirt-tastic-voyage

2009-02-16T11:00:00.000-08:00

I know kitschy slogans on shirts are so 2006, but live a little. These shirts are pretty awesome and reasonably priced.

http://printliberation.com/store.php

PS dont get this one because I don't want to be your twin.

Successfully combining cowboys and Indians with 52 card pickup

2009-02-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

I grew up with Nerf. To be honest I grew up always wanting Nerf guns.
Sure sending the message that fun means getting together with your friends and shooting one another can be construed as a tad morbid, but who cares I'm a Darwinist. Mistakes don't happen to the chosen ones.

That being said it's time to get one of these bad boys into the hands of children everywhere. This Nerf gun touts itself as having the largest capacity of any Nerf gun ever created, guaranteeing seconds of fun and hours of picking up little f****** foam darts.

Google Reader

2009-02-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late on the bandwagon, but lets be honest I'd rather be late than be on Rosie O'Donnell's family cruise.

Back to the matter at hand. Google reader. Read my links at the top of the page. I fully endorse all of them.

This is the weakest post I have ever posted...I'm sorry. Here's a fun website to make up for my indiscretion www.fmylife.com

2009-02-01T00:00:00.001-08:00

AAAAAAAAAAnd this is why gingers get a bad rap.

Back to the Bay

2009-01-21T11:41:00.001-08:00

Came home from LA and realized that place is a hole.
I don't mean to demean anyone living there because I have great people that I care very much about down there. But I finally realized what people mean when they use the term "That city will eat you alive". Nonsensical platitudes are the bane of my existence, but this one in particular really "grinds my gears".
But I understand it.
When you live somewhere you go into it with a specific mindset and points of reference. For instance if you come from the great plains where farms are in abundance and you move to LA you will think to yourself "wow this is weird there are no farms." when in reality it would be retarded for there to be farms in LA because the main driving force of the economy is not farming it is movie making.
After you live somewhere for a long enough time your frame of mind and points of reference for normalcy adapt to your surroundings (unless you are a hopeless homebody who can't survive anywhere but the confines of their hometown). This causes you to realize that the whole farms being in the middle of LA idea to be ridiculous and to accept that it is a movie town.
However this also has its side effects.
Since LA is a town of extraordinary personalities and circumstances peoples sense of normality is skewed. Now I am all for skewed perspectives, but even I have a definitive line of what normalcy is and what isn't. I know that buying a Lamborghini when I'm 24 on credit is probably a bad idea. I know that waiting tables in hopes of finally becoming "discovered" is not the greatest way of getting ahead in the acting world. And I'm pretty aware that fellating a boss to get a role in a major movie is going to hurt my mind and body. But people in LA do these things every day!!!
This sort of skewed sense of normalcy can eat someone alive, in other words it can ruin someones life leaving them alone poor or mentally unstable.

I'm so glad to be back in The City. I love you Golden Gate Park, I love you Pandhandle, I love you University, I love you cool breeze blowing through my bright sunny apartment, I love you fog horn that serenades me to sleep at night, I love you fog that glides silently and swiftly through the streets like a hot girl that you love catching a glimpse of, and I love you city scapes that encapsulate the essence and diversity of what it is to be the greatest city in the world.

2009-01-13T14:22:00.000-08:00

I'm heading to LA Friday and I am as happy as a little girl sitting next to a Pinguino!

2009-01-03T00:45:00.000-08:00

The bike needed some TLC adjustment in the shop but I finally get to pick her up tomorrow. So if you are in the San Francisco area and want hit up some bike ride action with your favorite Ginger hit me up.

Is MTV run by retarded people.

2008-12-15T19:27:00.001-08:00

I understand that the people who read this might not watch MTV, which is why I bring you my amazingly brilliant perspective on why this lazy station is decaying into oblivion.

For quite sometime there has been a visible decline in music video content on the once exclusive music video station. This may be attributed to the diversity of entertainment content and globalization through the advent of the Internet. People have been increasingly introduced to an endless library of information and entertainment through the growth of the Internet; so maybe MTV has attempted to be able to compete in this market with a massive integration of flashy new shows. However, I believe this is allotting way too much credit to the crumbling colossal media conglomerate.

MTV has moved their demographic to the young children of our society who will become the largest spending generation in ages. This will conversely translate into MTV being able to charge immense advertising real estate prices. This young demographic has the attention span of a gnat and must be advertised and entertained accordingly. Thus programs as well as advertisements have become increasingly mindless in their quest to pump out fast paced high energy programs that stimulate and grab the immediate attention of the young audience.

Now you are probably asking me in your head (which is stupid because I can't read your thoughts) "what the hell man, I've heard this a million times, why are you writing about it for the millionth time." and I will answer you. "Bromance"

Bromance is the new show produced by MTV starring Brody Jenner. Brody is the son of That Jenner Olympian who has aged quite amazingly by apparently selling his gold medal and investing in as many face lifts as laps he ran earning them. This show will be a contest to see who will be Brody's new best friend.

I don't know how they do it in LA but where I come from (and I'm guessing pretty much everywhere else in the world) holding a contest to see who is going to be your best friend might be considered a little, I don't know, sad? I would expect this from a chick say, hmmm, Paris Hilton...Oh wait she already had this exact show.

I have three beefs with this show. A) the dudes competeing. B) Brody and C) The producer.

First the dudes competing. Really guys, you looking for that lasting connection with a dude that you just haven't found yet? You think Brody, this dude that you have never met in your life, is going to spark that special guy friend bond? you going to have some interesting conversations that delve into each others psyche allowing for a deep meaningful relationship? Or maybe he is going to show you a life that you envy because you're broke ass poor and you think hey this is going to be one sweetass ticket. Maybe the latter? Just maybe?

Secondly Brody. Yah I get it, Bromance, its a play on words with your name. Cute. You know whats not cute? Bro-rape. Ever think to google that? Little tip here Brody, having a show about yourself that is named Bromance is like naming your son Fay, Smooches, or Clay Aiken.

Last but not least is the fact that someone had to fucking hear Brody fucking pitch this pile of shit, then look at Brody's blank cavernous echo-filled head and actually put together the sentence "Yah, that sounds like a great idea, let's do it." Whoever is this persons boss should have had that producer shot, drawn and quartered, water-boarded, or have made him watch all episodes of "The Simple Life" starring another pair of humans more worthless than an "America's Funniest Home Video" with no nut shot. Brody has had TWO failed television shows. WHY on God's earth is this retard getting his own show? Whoever greenlit this television series is so retarded "Life Goes On" star Corky would call him a retard.

Do you remember "Jurassic Park"? The part when the doctor reaches her hand into the pile of Triceratops poop to figure out whats ailing the dino? This show is going to be a herd of Triceratops shit.

Finish Line

2008-12-09T18:52:00.001-08:00

With the end of the semester close at hand it is time to prepare for the upcoming break.

Getting a job and visiting friends, should be a good one.

Too Sick For School

2008-12-04T15:55:00.000-08:00

So I went to my first class this morning. Ugh.

I passed by the dude that I have proclaimed has the coolest garage in SF. Honestly this guy is the mother effin Knight Rider of SF. He is a middle aged white man who probably just turned 40. Inside his illustrious man cave sits a brand new mustang GT, black with gold racing stripes (of course). If that doesn't rev your Magnum PI mustache bone then how about the fact that he has a flat screen TV and full set of craftsmen tools that he actually uses to work on his car with!! yes I have seen it. To top it all off he has, I hope your sitting down for this, a ... I can't believe I am writing this for the first time. I mean how has this enigma of a man never been written about before???? Anyway I'm sorry for deviating. He has, again grab hold of your no-shit-o-meter and watch for it to blow through the roof, HE HAS A LAZY BOY RECLINER AND A URINAL DOWN THERE! I tear up every time I think about it. I wondered to myself if he was married. If so the marriage must be either rampantly dreadful or one that imbues the epitome of communication, love, and harmony. Either way this champion of manhood has a Urinal and Lazy Boy in his garage he could be married to Lorana Bobit and be perfectly content in life!

After my first class I felt wasted I went home. I couldn't get through my next class without fainting from exhaustion. I mean I felt worse than Dave Coulier after the cancellation of Full House. So I went home ate and rested up for my next class.

I walked up the mountain back up to class, regretfully did not see the Knight Rider, and panting and full of sweat I got to my last class of the day. Mind you this class is taught by the same teacher as the my second class which I did not attend. I get there and my teacher is standing outside with two of my classmates. He takes one look at me and without saying what I think is going to say which is "Hey you made it to this class that means a lot. I respect you for making the effort." The dude just looks at me and says "Go home you look way too sick to be here."

It was the greatest thing I have ever heard a teacher say to me.

Sick, Sick, Sick

2008-12-02T12:00:00.003-08:00

Here comes the sickness!

I love that sore throat lethargic feeling almost as much as I love the fact that it comes the week before finals.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had drank a bottle of rum.

Christmas break couldn't come soon enough.

"The" 911 Challenge

2008-09-15T15:59:00.001-07:00

This American Life

2008-08-03T22:53:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to the program by a friend while I was visiting LA. We were coming home after drinks with a friend and we sat on his couch flipping the channels. Nothing was on so he decided to show me a particular episode that he had been talking about at dinner. I had some drink and smoke in me and I was feeling like I was going to melt into the couch for a good nights sleep before having to drive back up north. It wasn't until after I heard the premise of the show explained in the beginning that I new that I was going to be too interested to sleep.
The show started off as a radio program in Chicago on NPR. It climbed in popularity and was adapted into a television show televised on Showtime (if you don't have cable it's OK keep reading there will be a solution).
The show we watched was about the name John Smith. It is the most common male name in America and the program focused on I believe 7 different men with the name, all at different points in their lives. It was brilliant. From the concept of the entire program to the way all the stories were told and interwoven to create such a feel good story. I was hooked. The next day I arrived back in the Bay and started searching for ways to get my hands on the program. No one I knew subscribes to Showtime so I was forced to find an alternate route (to those of you who don't have showtime either this is where it gets good).
I went onto iTunes -yes it is the greatest thing in the world I KNOW-and found that you can buy both seasons of the tv show as well as subscribe to the podcast! It is stupendous.
Each episode has masterful storytelling and always has a good message. There is never a moment of easy thrills or cheap attention gimmicks.

It is the new Chicken Soup for the Soul and I recommend you figure a way to get yoru hands on this because it is a great experience.

Ginger Kids

2008-07-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

Mate with one or else we will all die out.

I mean look how adorable

The Blacksmith

2008-05-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

The old man blacksmith mediocre in town, once was employed to make swords for the crown. When his work began to dwindle the people did object. The old man blacksmith stood firm that it wasn’t neglect. His bellows blew sturdy and his fires red-hot. Twas the loneliness in his bedroom that made the old man fraught. Ladies paraded all day and all night, nary a one fair maiden managed to satiate his sight. One moist morning a lady came calling. Her scent of bees, trees, and soiled seeds told the old man blacksmith from where she came falling. From scent to sight the old mans heart leapt, she fell from heaven right to his doorstep. Everything was perfect from wedding to boudoir. It was, that is, until she made him scar. She stole his tools and sold them 20 shillings a pop. She then used the shillings at ye olde ring shop. She was to marry his brother the mean streak bad cop. His horse was tougher and so was his posse. The damage he caused was erratic and costly. When his bitch ex-wife returned to say sorry the old man blacksmith to cry not, tried hardly. Instead he looked at her and grunted she scurried off in dismay.
This young darlings is the story of the Old Blacksmith turned gay.

Internet Videos

2008-03-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

I feel that you need to start watching some more videos.

www.funnyordie.com

2008-02-12T16:07:00.000-08:00

I mean if this guy can do it, what says I can't lift a midget.

2008-02-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

New Photos. Check 151's website soon for the whole shebang

2008-02-07T21:26:00.001-08:00

THE WRITERS ARE BACK!
It's time to put your ass back into that permanent mold in your couch.
Hands have been shook and the monies been took. That's right the money is coming back into the hands of Tv's rightful owners, the writers.
Thank God I can spend my Thursday nights with Michael, Dwight, Jim, and PAM!!!

Old in the Cold: The NFC championship game

2008-01-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

If you are watching this game then you know what I am talking about. It is currently 15 below in Green Bay and judging by the reporters its hard to keep your composure at such an extreme temp.

Terry Bradshaw just got finished giving a deeply compelling speech complete with flailing arms and failing health. Now I'm no broadcaster but the silence that went hand in hand with Bradshaw's sloppy sports spiel was probably due to the microphone laying limp on the table in front of him.

Bradshaw wasn't the only one flopping his big flabby badge of inadequateness over the digital airwaves. Everyone of the reporters that sat behind that unheated Fox desk was slurring and skipping over words.

Now I think that the only reason Fox would put their announcers outside in the elements is to portray the immensely frigid coldness that these players are enduring. But for the love of veteran feeble football players everywhere put these old men indoors.

Now all these men were messing up except for one. One of the men portrayed exceptional composure amongst his colleagues who, if asked, could not spell composure. That man is (insert that dudes name here) and is black. Which brings me to Doctor Martin Luther King Jr.

Happy MLK day!

I'm BLACK!!!!

2007-12-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

As of today I am officially going on the record to announce that yes I Jared Frazer am Black. Now I know what your thinking and how dare you for bringing skin color into something as serious as this, shame on you. Before you send this link to the NAACP let me explain.

a)Science

All humans on this planet have evolved from human life that spawned from Africa...its science. I am human hence I am from Africa. (It isn't called the mother land for nothing)

b) I got the look

I was once asked by a bouncer if I "had some brother in me?" I replied "NO" in shock and awe that someone with my magnitude of whiteitude could be thought of as being "brother". But who knows, what if this-obviously-brilliant African-American man was just asking me what millions of other African-American people have wanted to ask me for YEARS???!!!

c) Facebook it.

I conducted some research on this idea and one of my venues of thought brought me to Zuckerberg's wild-world of Facebook. I searched my name and only three results came up me and...well you can check it out.

The girls strike again

2007-11-30T22:50:00.001-08:00

So this whole new thing about defecation is really getting my down in life.

I was wondering how I would react if one of my friends asked me to poop on his face.

I wouldn't know what to do in the moment but I know someone wouldn't be getting a Christmas card ever again.

Here is some more reaction gold...only watch if you want to be enticed to watch the actual video.

2girls1cup

2007-11-30T01:28:00.000-08:00

If you don't know what this is about you might as well stop reading this right now.

One thing that I can't help but wonder is

1) How much did these girls get paid and,

2) What did these girls hope to get out of this video

Honestly was there a casting session where these two girls went in to audition? What was the conversation?

"hey girls, so you want to be famous huh?"

My childhood is officially over.

and then came 2girls1finger and life got just a little worse for all of us

Trucks...honestly dude.

2007-11-28T16:50:00.000-08:00

I am walking down beautiful California street minding my own wishes - buying a new lens for my camera at good ol' K&S - when all of a sudden the roar of Thor comes barreling down the street at me faster than a film student to a Wes Anderson movie.

It was then that I thought to myself "Why the hell are people still wanting to drive these gods of gasoline consumption."

Not only is it ridiculous that 6' Fords are becoming beanstalks and rising to the moon its the fact that their manufacturers are putting exponentially more horsepower into them. Average horsepower for heavy-duty trucks has risen 50% in 20 years. I'm sorry but unless there has been some sort of gravity increase brought on from global warming (that these trucks didn't really help out), or payloads increasing in girth (I'm pretty sure dirt still weighs the same...but maybe not anymore due to the the new spike in gravity) these things do not need 700 horses to do the job that 200 are more than happy to do (if fed properly).

In the future the only people driving these Dual cab, duly tire set, extended bed, light racked, sky-jacked, decapitators with a picture of the rocky mountains on the side and on the rear window will be the same jerks who say Michael Jackson is just "misunderstood."